Welcome to Hell!

So, I guess this is where I tell you this is my blog, and it is pretty much all about painting miniatures, and gaming with miniatures, and spending huge sums of money on miniatures. It may also include pictures of miniatures, and I'll even try and make sure they are painted.


The following material is bound to be laced with profanity. If you are offended by words like cock and arse, you may wish to avoid browsing whilst your mother is in the room. If words like shite and fuck offend you, then you may wish to hit the 'back' button on your browser. If liberal use of the word cunt offends you, how the fuck did you get this far?

Friday, 31 December 2010

A bad workman blames his tools.

Still, look at what I did with her fancy (read: expensive) camera...


compared to


Yeah, it wasn't finished, but the change is clear to see.

Just don't get too used to semi-pro pictures...

This is where it all goes horribly fucking wrong...

Well, I was all ready for the New Year, and my self-imposed challenge to paint at least 365 Mantic models (average of 1 a day, see?) but I swung by my local GW yesterday to grab a few bits and bobs and ended up walking out with the new Hell Pit Abomination kit to paint for the store.



Fuckity Fuck.

It is rather lovely though. I expect a frenzied painting session today to try and get it as close to completion as possible. After I've been out, daylight bulb blew at 3am, so had to give up and play Fable III instead...


Wednesday, 22 December 2010


Right, well, yesterday, in a fit of madness and trying to get shit sorted for the new year I did a quick inventory of all my Mantic miniatures, including all the Limited Edition 3ups, and other sundry bits and bobs. And a cheeky wee pre-order as well...

So, a few hours of rooting through boxes and it turns out I have somewhere in the region of 15-1600. Not including any casualties or beasties from the sprues.

What this basically means is that were I to paint an average of one model a day, it would take at least 4 years and 90ish days to clear the backlog, assuming I don't buy any more. Fat chance.

More than 200 Elves (the shame), over 600 Undead, 600 plus Dwarfs (although, thankfully nearly 150 are done) and about 100 Khaos Dwarfs on pre-order.

Pass the poly-cement. This may take some time.

Saturday, 18 December 2010


Yeah, short attention span (and Khaos Dwarfs) got the better of me...

I don't know if I can limit (or force) myself to paint 365 Dwarfs in a year. Especially when there is the promise of so many new minis to be released. I think I might start January off with the Mhorgoth's Revenge battleset, which, being the 'special' version has about 120 minis, plus a couple of warmachines and crew.

Not a bad start to the year I guess. Unless I change my mind again.

Still, I have made inroads into clearing all manner of shite off of and away from my painting area, there is not a single non-Mantic mini to be seen, and all the built-up crap is gone. It is almost tidy. Maybe focusing on this might stop me switching my plans around in the next two weeks...

Monday, 13 December 2010

Has it really been so long?

Well, yes apparently...

So, in order to make amends to the great Gods of gaming for having the temerity to allow real life to infringe upon my hobby time, I am going to make a pledge of great magnitude.

Next year (so, about 3 weeks away) I plan to commence the great 'Year of the Dwarf' in which, I am aiming to paint an average of one Dwarf infantry model for each day of the year. So, that's 365 by my reckoning. Unless it happens to be a leap year. I'll check when the new calender goes up.

So, 365 Dwarf infantry. Of course, I'll have to add some Heroes into the mix, and I might as well take advantage of the fact that a KOW army can include 1 warmachine per 20+ model unit. Going by preliminary design, it is looking more like 419 models so far...

So, what is in the list then -

1 Dwarf King
2 Berserker Lords
5 Warsmiths
1 Dwarf Army Standard Bearer
2 Ironclad Regiments (Banner, Musician)
1 Ironclad Horde (Banner, Musician)
4 Ironwatch Regiments (Banner, Musician) - 2 units with Rifles
2 Ironwatch Hordes (Banner, Musician) - 1 unit with Rifles
1 Ironguard Troop (Banner, Musician)
1 Ironguard Regiment (Banner, Musician)
3 Shieldbreaker Regiments (Banner, Musician)
2 Berserker Regiments (Banner, Musician)
6 Ironbelcher Cannons (12 Crew)
5 Ironbelcher Organ Guns (10 Crew)
4 Fire Belchers (8 Crew)

Which comes in at 4500 points exactly, and 1.15 models to be painted per day...

Oh, just noticed I haven't swore in this post. Fuck.

Sunday, 12 September 2010


Well, yes, I forget to update this quite a lot. Have a shitload on at the moment, but as it is mostly mini related, I should have pictures soon.

Got a bunch of LotR minis to paint up for my local club, for their Games Day display table based on the Scouring of the Shire, followed by trying to churn out more Dwarfs for the Mantic Open Day in October.

Busy times ahead.

Sunday, 22 August 2010

Don't punch above your weight...

Well, I bit the bullet and ordered some of the fantastic sculps from Studio McVey.

Not that I'll ever be able do so them justice, but there is a lot to be said for optimism, right? That's optimism, not delusion...

Monday, 26 July 2010

Fairy simple...

Well, got her all finished off, seeing as it was just a couple of drybrushes and gluing on some grass, it wasn't too taxing.



Sunday, 25 July 2010

Fairy Statue WIP

So, I got cracking with a little terrain piece I'd been thinking about, basically just thrown together from a garden plantpot holder, some cork placemat, some vinyl bathroom flooring, sand and a lot of 'No more nails'...

I still have to do a few drybrushes over the earth, and maybe some additional weathering on the statue itself. I wanted to add some tears of blood, but the missus reckons that will be overkill. Maybe on the next one, as there were 3 in the pack...


Thursday, 22 July 2010

Go me!

Just had my stage by stage Ironclad painting guide published on the Mantic site -


Wednesday, 21 July 2010


Have just seen the green's for the Dwarf War Council from Mantic. Fucking amazing sculpts from Kev, and these will be a welcome addition to my Dwarf Army.


Monday, 19 July 2010


Although I'm doing my Dwarf army with Mantic models, I really need to do a GW 'legal' army to play in store. I'm tempted with Ogres, as I really want a monster-heavy list and I know my planned Chaos Troll army is going to take forever to convert and cost a fucking fortune too. I'm also tempted by Skaven after seeing the contents of the Island of Blood box, although, I'm not sure about a Warlord Clan list (big units of 50-60 Clanrats with spears, block of Stormvermin, Bell, crazyass shit) or a Moulder list, a bigass unit of Rat Ogres (18-24) plus Skweel, a Lord on a Rat Ogre Bonebreaker, couple of units of 100 Giant Rats, a few Swarms and a Doomwheel.

See, I just love the idea of these filthy great units, so I want my army to include at least 1 Horde, probably more. I reckon Skaven (or Goblins) will win out, as the spears generate an obscene amount of attacks, although, I have a feeling that I'll maybe just do both Ogres and Skaven anyway.


Saturday, 17 July 2010

I haz Daemon Prince

Yup, dropped by GW yesterday in a bid to blag the new plastic DP to paint up, and much to my chagrin, found out that it had been assembled by one of the n00b kids that hangs about there all week.

Actually, I lie. It had been assembled by someone who has won a few Model of the Month challenges, seems to have been a contender for a few Best Army awards and runs his own painting service. I won't mention any names, as I'd hate to see the dole queue get longer. Although, I understand now why he was offered a tenner to paint the entire contents of the Black Reach box...

This thing had more fucking mould lines on it than a Clan Pestilens convention. The ridges were so big I half expected a horde of angry Zulus to come rushing down them...

Even the missus commented that it looked like it had been sandpapered. Then promptly pointed out the lines on the legs, wings, fingers, torso, head... This guy claims a file is all you need to clean up a plastic mini. Fucking amateur. Files rip the shit out of plastic, use a fucking blade.

Plus, I think there is some sort of national shortage on poly cement as, he used so little the model seemed to be articulated a half hour after he'd finished it.

So, off I went, with my fully poseable DP, stuck it in the cup holder in the car and the fucking tail fell off.

Still, that is one less piece to pull apart to clean it up properly.

Thursday, 15 July 2010

Been a while...

Well, my negligence in updating this is partly down to being mobbed at work, having been on a well earned holiday, and finally, painting up some of the fantastic new Dwarf Ironclad models from Mantic Games.

Yes, with Warhammer 8th edition, I'm taking a hiatus from the forces of evil, destruction and chaos to focus on the forces of heavy fucking armour and big fucking guns.

So, for starters I have 160 of these little buggers to get ready, I'm thinking two units of 50 Warriors, 1 each of shields and great weapons, a unit of Longbeards with shields and some Hammerers. Also with shields. Hmmmmm, I sense a trend. The next set in the range, the Ironwatch, is released next Friday (July 23rd) and gives the options for either crossbows or rifles. I have 4 boxes on pre-order, so I'm thinking at least a 30 strong unit of each. For starters anyway. Then, come August the army deal is released (pre-ordered 2...) so I'll get my hands on the aforementioned big fucking guns, and some characters. Job's a good 'un.

Tuesday, 18 May 2010

The East 'Nuke' Part II. Insert witty tagline...

OK, so game four was the turning point of my fortunes (well, briefly). I could be callous and say that I let Jordan beat me because he's a wee boy, but that isn't true. I was probably suffering from a sense of invincibility with 3 wins under my belt, or it was the Rockstar. Powerful stuff, turned my piss luminous yellow...

I like playing against other Merc players, because there is a sort of kinship, a fellow gamer who is waving two fingers at your Faction powers, and fights for the big cash prize. As an aside, I think the character of Magnus is as much a draw for me as the model. Labelled a traitor by loyalist Cygnar scum, he remained loyal to the true King of Cygnar, despite the threat to himself, going as far as to deal with the Skorne in the process, some may see him as a villain, but I see him as a tragic anti-hero, somewhat similar to Saruman, in that he is corrupted, but in his mind he is doing what he believes to be right. Anyway, to coin a Jervis Johnsonism, I digress...

I fucking hate Ashylynn. There I said it. She is squishy as fuck, but it is near enough impossible to land a hit on her under normal circumstances, nevermind on her Feat turn. Roulette, fucking Roulette, she'd be dragged from the casino and her kneecaps broken is she had that much luck at the tables... Anyway, inflated sense of Magnus's tenacity lost me the game, as I figured he'd survive a round of combat against Ashlynn. I forgot she had Weapon Master...

Game 5 - Mark, Khador (Easy list to remember, he was using my models... Butcher, Juggernaut, Behemoth) Scenario - Overrun.

I'd spent the entire day dreading being drawn against the big man. To my mind, his list was fucking solid, and I'd really have trouble dropping any of his 3 models, luckily, the scenario called for a rapid advance towards the centre of the table. I don't think Mark was too impressed with the thought of running full tilt towards Eyriss and the 2 'gades...

Some careful positioning meant that the Jugger was out of charge targets, and having striped the Butcher, and dropped the bomb on him, leaving him with about 4 health, meant he shied away from the centre line. No focus to give the 'jacks meant they were too far from the objective, allowing me complete control, before moving in to finish off baldy.

So, 5 games, 4 wins and a loss, with the grand total of 4 Tournament points and 7 Control points. Cue celebration, and bragging rights, seeing as that is now another set of Merc Gold cards (although my first set of MKII ones).

All in all it was a great day, 5 games of WARMACHINE, plenty of banter, and possibly some friendly rivalries in the making. I'll definately be heading back through, I'll have to defend my Big Dog status, or maybe just grab more silverware...

I didn't actually manage to take any pictures of the day, but I'm sure the guilty parties will be glad I've spared their tear-streaked faces from interweb fame.

Just kidding guys, I'll try and get photos of your lists next time I'm up.

Monday, 17 May 2010

The East 'Nuke' of Fife...

Well, I've recovered from the foray into Fife, the being awake for 26 hours, the nightshift, the sleeping an entire day, the next nightshift, and 3 hours sleep...

So, Saturday was a blast.

Big Mark's sat nat (bless him) was really coming the cunt. Threatened suicide just as we left the motorway at Kirkaldy. Which was useless, as even I could get to Kirkaldy, it was just the getting to KOA on arrival that was the issue.

After a hasty call to Dave, as we seemed to be standing on someones doorstep thinking 'This doesn't look like a shop' we made our way to the store. There was plenty of time to write out rosters (and re-write them when I discovered Karchev wasn't actually packed...) and imbibe lots of Rockstar and cigarettes.

List for Tournament went like this - Magnus, 2 x Renegade, Alexia and the Risen, Reinholdt and Eyriss (15 exact). Mark had Butcher, Juggernaut and the Behemoth (14). Lucky I stuck the Butcher in my case eh...

Now, I'll admit to 2 things. 1 - I have a lot of experience with Magnus (under MKI rules) and 2 - I tend to play for the 'caster kill, whether the scenario calls for it or not. I'd had a brief skim over the 10 possible scenarios for the day, and thankfully Magnus has amazing flexibility with his Feat. Getting across the table wasn't going to be an issue. Staying there was.

Let's see how things panned out -

Game 1 - Taylor, Khador (Butcher, Juggernaut, Destroyer, Manhunter, Eyriss). Scenario - The Gauntlet.

If there is one thing that puts the shits up me, it's an angry bald man with a huge chopper. (Read into that what you will...) I've used the Butch a few times, and faced him on many occassions and he is one hard bastard to put down. Two Khador heavies was also something I really didn't want to duke it out with. Easiest thing, go for the kill (after dealing with that damn Elf). First couple of turns saw us jockeying into position towards the centre of the table, and the deceiding factor was probably that the fake Eyriss (lol) missed her Disruptor shot on Magnus, leaving her open to Alexia (and sacraficial boosts) and the real (Merc) Eyriss nailed Butch with her focus-fucker. I'm always wary of dropping the bomb on the big man if he has any focus as I've hit him with a boosted roll of 18 and he's survived... Still dropped him with the first shot, and IIRC, the second one did him in. (Many details of the day are fuzzy due to sleep deprivation, excitement and caffinated beverage overdose). 'Caster kill didn't win the game, but as both his Solos were out and his 'jacks inert, I could claim the objective unmolested.

A first round win should be a great feeling. I was just shitting myself even more.

Game 2 - Jonathan, Cygnar (Kara, 2 x Hunter, Long Gunners with UA, Reinholdt) Scenario - Killbox.

Can you have a grudge match with someone you've never played before? If so, this was one. Mark had faced Jonathan in the first round and had had his army systematically raped by a very specialised list. Kudos for list building, nul points for sportsmanship. Considering Mark had played 1 battlebox game prior to the day, and that pretty much consisted of him and Woostie moving the models where I told them and rolling the dice, he hadn't stood a chance. It was time to try and save some face.

Now, I've never seen Kara played before, and only had the briefest glance at her rules, so I wasn't too sure what to expect. Big mistake. I was getting shot to shit crossing the table, and Kara was being extremely backwards in coming forwards... To cut a long story short, I had Magnus, a pretty trashed Renegade, and Reinholdt left. He had... his entire army...

Magnus popped his feat, getting himself 20" across the table, straight into close combat with Ms. Sloan, and causing Jonathans face to go white. And possibly his pants to go brown. Sitting on all his focus left me at effective Armour of 23, which was a safe bet against Kara's P+S of 9... Still, Mags was duly Headbutted in the back by a Hunter, knocking him on his ass, and Kara skipped away, levelled her peashooter, and found herself SOL as the Feign Death special rule prevents Magnus being targetted at range when KD'ed. That's funny, but it gets better. Kara sniped the Renegade instead, missed, clipping her own Hunter, the used her free movement to get even further away from the angry Magnus. So far away, that she left the Killbox. Game Over Man! Well, there was the small matter of the Long Gunners activating, but, they were (hiding) too far from Magnus to charge, and couldn't target him either. Oh, how I laughed. I was really struggling during this game, and was handed the win on a plate. A very harsh reminder to focus on the Scenario at all times.

Game 3 - Shaun, Protectorate of Menoth (Severius, Crusader, two lights beginning with R... one had a flamethrower, 2 x Choir, 3 x Wrack) Scenario - Close Quarters

Now, I've not faced many POM armies, and I don't think I've ever seen Severius played, so again, I was in once again in unfamiliar territory. Shaun had set his 3 Wracks around the objective that I needed to control, prompting the thought 'What a cunt', swiftly followed by 'Yup, I'd do the same.' (Note - anyone who knows me will be aware of my liberal use of the word 'cunt'. This is by no means meant as offensive. It is a label for many things, and over the course of a day, many people will be labelled as such, with no ill will at all). I think rumours had started to circulate concerning the brutality of the Renegades, so Shaun (very wisely) spent his first two turns moving up, putting Safe Passage on two of his 'jacks. The old man keep himself behing some ruins after turn one, and moved out behind the Choir in turn two. My first turn consisted of sticking Snipe on a Renegade, and moving up the table, ready for a turn 2 assault on any POM forces that overstepped the mark. Eyriss blitzed up the table into some woods, ready to strip focus in turn two. Severius had spunked all his focus, so the disrupter bolt was maybe a little bit of overkill, although, it was a turn 3 safety net. I have lost track of how many times I should have saved Eyriss until after the 'gades have shot their load, just incase I need the 3 damage from the Deathbolt to finish the job. Against a KD'ed 'caster it's pretty much a given she'll hit. Anyway, Sniped Renegade was in range of Severius, as he wasn't screened by the Choir, and with an effective RAT of 8 plus boosted roll, the Obliterator shot found it's mark. Boosted damage was 3d6+2, which was more than enough to shred the old man. Shaun called it a day at that, not confident that his 8 Choir Boys could hold off my army. I felt bad telling him that if we did carry on, I'd be rolling blast damage against one of the Choir leaders... (Gotta love that 4" AOE template).

Game 4 - Jordan, Mercs - Highborn (Ashlynn, Mule, Rutger Shaw, Vanguard, Tarryn, Gorman, Anastasia) Scenario - Capture the Flag

A very Solo heavy list, meaning that 'caster kill wasn't gonna be as effective here. Despite the fact I play Mercs, I'll admit to being unfamiliar with most of these, save Gorman and the 'jacks. I know all about Ashlynn, but only from across the table.

It's getting late. Well, late in that I need to get ready for work. I'll finish this in the morning.

Saturday, 15 May 2010

Nervous? Not much...

Well, off to Kingdom of Adventure in an hour or so, to take part in a small WARMACHINE tournament.

Hmmm, MKII games played so far - 1.
Games previous to MKII played in last 3 years - still 1.

This is gonna be a slaughtering. And sadly, I don't think I'll be the one dishing it out.

Oh well, hopefully Magnus and 2 Renegades will still be as ass-shreddingly good as they used to be. I'll take the camera, to capture photographic evidence of my suckyness for posterity...

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

On the subject of WARMACHINE...

Yeah, it seems to be a common contraction that WARMACHINE and HORDES becomes HORDESMACHINE.

If you are only going to use half of each brands name, surely HORMACHINE would be more apt, if slightly dubious (with my accent anyway), although, it might generate more interest in the game...

Monday, 10 May 2010

Backlog? What Backlog?

Well, Carronade 2010 has been and gone. (Falkirk's Première, and possibly sole Gaming Convention, for the uninitiated) and, as expected, much money was spunked on toy soldiers, the vast majority of which will never see the light of day (a bit like myself) or the love of a good paintbrush.

Shopping list looked along the lines of -

-2 boxes of Uruk-hai Scouts and movement trays for LotR/WotR.
-2nd hand Uruk Command and 2 metal Scouts.
-A collection of models to bulk out my fledgeling Gladiator force for Urban War. A force that has been on my to-do list since, well, since before Urban War was Urban War and the Junkers and Gladiators were one force...
- A bunch of Undead models from Mantic Games, lots of Ghouls, some Skeletons and a few cases of Revenants.
Deck Protectors - because I can never resist WARMACHINE/HORDES for long.
- One cup of coffee. Which tasted utter shit. No milk of a non-powdered variety to be had.

Of course, this pales in comparison to the fuck-load of Uruk-hai amassed on Flea-bay, which I intend to fill out all 6 battle forces in the Battlehosts book for WotR...

Oh yeah, and there is some Malveaux stuff in the post too...

Miniatures purchased recently - approx 400...
Miniatures painted recently - approx 1...

Oh well...

Thursday, 29 April 2010


Well, it's been rather quiet on the painting front recently. There was the small matter of assembling and painting an army for Conflict Scotland (Lizardmen, using little to no Devlan Mud...) and I've been gripped by a renewed interest in Lord of the Rings with the imminent arrival of Battlehosts. Cue vast expenditure of cash on ebay amassing a motley horde of badly assembled and painted Uruk-hai...

Still, I've cleaned up about 60 in the last few days, just need to base them and prime them. It'll be good to get back into the old speedpainting to bulk out the 3500 points I already have for the SBG...

Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Painting is like prostitution...

Well, Commission Work is anyway. Selling your talents is somewhat dubious I suspect, and not something I ever really do that often. Still, I had 18 Ghouls to paint for Woostie, and I enjoyed doing them so much, I figured I'd maybe paint some for myself.

Cue new Vampire Counts army...

Ghouls have, for one reason or another, always appealed to me. Perhaps it is the exploration of the darker side of mankind, or maybe it is just the general aesthetic, although, the new style GW Crypt Ghouls look like some sort of hybrid cross between Baraka from Mortal Kombat and that gobby cunt from Wolverine Origins...

Still, a couple of boxes of Ghouls sit fully painted and based on my desk, blood effects and all, just awaiting a blast of varnish and a decent picture. Nightshift does not sit comfortably with good photo-fu...

So, 20 models down, 30 to go... Shit, it looks like I might actually paint a full WHFB army before I turn 30...

Ach, there is still time to change my mind.

Sunday, 21 March 2010

What's in a name?

Well, it's pretty simple really. I've been painting minis on and off for near enough 10 years now and realise that my hands will never manage to capture the image of what I see in my mind. I have very little patience (for anything, never mind painting) so it would seem that the solution is simple.

- prime black, base coats and drown the bastarding thing in brown ink. (or Devlan Mud these days).

It's not gonna produce any Golden Daemon results, but, from 4ft away, it doesn't look too shabby, and that's all that really matters, as that's kinda the standard depth of a gaming table.

Of course, not everything gets just the one coat. I'll invest some extra time into characters, but, as any self-respecting gamer knows, the more attention you lavish on a model, the higher the chances of it being mangled in any game you use it...

Still, I'm going to use this as a log of my painting exploits, and no doubt, all sorts of profanity laced discourse on minis and gaming in general.

That's it for now. I have some Crypt Ghouls in need of some brown lovin'...